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Philosophical Ranting of an Engineer

I have been depressed for the last few days. While I can’t pinpoint this to any single event, or even a series of events, I believe I may have come across some ideas why.

Saturday was really my first “free” day since the beginning of the quarter. Until then I have had multiple projects going on at all times. So Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and today I have been doing very little work and generally slacking off. However instead of enjoying this time, I have been depressed and have not felt like doing anything.

Sure I’ve played some video games, played some ping pong, hung out with friends and laughed, but life has been fairly unsatisfying these last few days. And I haven’t played video games because I really want to play them; I don’t. I play them because its something to do. Like I said, nothing that has happened to me has been a primary contribution to this. I think the lack of accomplishing anything I care about is the primary reason. I find great satisfaction in accomplishing things and ever since the quarter started, I have been unable to do any of these things. School, while very important, does not give me this satisfaction.

I want to work on my computer game I have begun developing. Unfortunately due to my school work I haven’t had time to work on it since the quarter started. I need to find a job. Working for a computer game company would be ideal, but what can I show them? My computer game I haven’t finished?

So I have been doing too much schoolwork and that has prevented me from doing anything I consider “worthwhile.” It is getting to the point where I feel that I could be accomplishing more by not being in school. What if I dropped my cryptography class? The stress of it being difficult would be gone. I would have four hours a week I am not in class that I could be working on my game as well as the numerous hours working on homework.

So often it seems as though I could be accomplishing a lot more if I didnít have any classes. I feel as though I am only taking one really worthwhile class right now, PLC. Technical communications is a bogus class where we learn exceedingly stupid stuff that should be common sense. Computer Architecture II would be a useful class if I were ever to work with hardware, which I never will. I hate the material; I don’t understand it; it is boring and wasting my time.

So what do I do? This weekend I will have two papers due, homework for cryptography, and a PLC assignment due. This means I will have little free time between now and Sunday night. After that? I will be too drained from all the work and stress to accomplish anything fun, like working on my game. I will again spend my time doing nothing and feeling depressed because of it.

1 Response to “Accomplishments - Or the Lack of”

  1. Dr. Dad Says:

    Ask any doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist, tennis shoe salesman. One of the best weapons against depression is exercise. Maybe it is just cabin fever and you’re ready for spring.

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