Philosophical Ranting of an Engineer

Social Being

June 8th, 2007

I am a social person.

You might not guess that if you just met me. You might not guess that if you don’t know me well. Even if you do know me well that statement may come as a shock to you. I despise social rituals; I don’t enjoy small talk or meeting new people. I find spending time with most people boring. Don’t misunderstand me and think that I am an elitist jerk. I simply recognize that I have little in common with many people and have no desire to interact with them.

It may come as a surprise then that I received my diploma almost two weeks ago and I am bored because my days are spent alone. As an introvert, and I have done a bit of research in this area and consider myself an extreme introvert, I can enjoy time alone. It is exhausting to socialize and interact with people I do not know. Nothing is as tiring or stressful as attending a party largely populated with strangers. But in the last two years I have lived with a small group of people and grown close to them. When I got home from class sometimes my roommate would be there and more often than not there was someone across the hall I could briefly socialize with. At any time in the evening I could wander the dorm and find someone. We didn’t engage in activities every night, we were too busy with studies, but they were there.

Now that I am at home I find myself wanting to hang out with friends every night or else I am bored. I haven’t played computer games since I got back except when at a friend’s house. I bought three board games to play with my friends. Yet my friends have their own lives. They have spent the last three years living in this city and they have other friends to hang out with and other responsibilities. I have my small group of friends which is growing smaller with one person moving up towards San Jose to work and another living in LA and going to school. Used to living in the dorms and after spending my time alone all day, I could hang out with my friends every night but they can’t.

I could make new friends. I don’t do that easily and in three months I will be gone again. I could spend all my time working. This may end up happening but my current project is something I’ll be working on alone. For some reason, working with other people is one of my greatest enjoyments and yet I always end up working alone. In my three years at school I found some people I thoroughly enjoyed working with, but no one perfect. I dream of making games, but more so I dream of working alongside friends to make those games. Maybe I will find some of those people at RIT.

So here I am at home doing a little bit of programming, wasting time, and reading.

1 Response to “Social Being”

  1. Toth Says:
    I think I understand how you feel. Incidentally, you are one of the people who helped me understand introverts a little better. I used to think they were just loners who had no friends, but I have come to realize it is more about they have a small, close group of friends, but they also actually enjoy their alone time. Anyway without your group of friends, its gotta be pretty different. Oddly enough I as an extrovert have developed the ability to enjoy my alone time too. I think its just out of necessity though because when I come home I face the same problems of people being busy and such. Anyway you could always fly up to seattle on the 18th and hang out with eric and I... just throwing that out there :-)

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